When we hear a news piece about a young person fallen prey to an internet pedophile, most of us as parents have one two reactions: we either panic and get overprotective of our kids or we think ‘Not my child. He or she knows better.’ The truth is, however, that any child online is vulnerable to predators, unless they are supervised 100% of the time and unless extremely stringent safety controls are in place.
The reality I’ve seen time and time again, as the parent of a 13 year old, is kids who spend hours online chatting on facebook, adding friends of friends and even strangers to their list of people they ‘know and chat to. Many kids have alternate facebook accounts as well; one they use for family and a few friends and which they keep ‘clean,’ and one they use for their real conversations. If you’ve already let your child on facebook, or if they’re using a smart phone to text, then there are likely many people they chat with that you don’t know. The important question becomes, do they know them all personally?
A key element in protecting your kids from danger – online and off – is open communication. Yes, you can set limits to computer and phone time and you can set certain parameters such as friend approval by parents and parental control on websites available to kids, but equally important is a two-way road of trust and respect between parent/s and kid/s. It doesn’t matter whether a pedophile wants to stalk your child in person or online; their intention is the same and much of the strategy is similar: gain trust and then pounce, often after turning the child from the parents or at the very least causing some confusion and divided loyalty. Cults work much the same way, as do terrorist organizations when recruiting.
Nothing beats talking to and listening to your child when it comes to really knowing what’s going on in their lives and their heads. Not only is education about how pedophiles work and what to watch out for important, but also just listening and being interested in their daily lives will help you know if/when something is off. A new friendship, whether online or off, will reveal itself as far too intense or will cause your child’s behaviour to change for the worse if something is amiss (as they distance themselves from your disapproval). Hopefully you can cultivate a relationship with your kids such that they trust your judgement as they learn to have their own.
The reality I’ve seen time and time again, as the parent of a 13 year old, is kids who spend hours online chatting on facebook, adding friends of friends and even strangers to their list of people they ‘know and chat to. Many kids have alternate facebook accounts as well; one they use for family and a few friends and which they keep ‘clean,’ and one they use for their real conversations. If you’ve already let your child on facebook, or if they’re using a smart phone to text, then there are likely many people they chat with that you don’t know. The important question becomes, do they know them all personally?
A key element in protecting your kids from danger – online and off – is open communication. Yes, you can set limits to computer and phone time and you can set certain parameters such as friend approval by parents and parental control on websites available to kids, but equally important is a two-way road of trust and respect between parent/s and kid/s. It doesn’t matter whether a pedophile wants to stalk your child in person or online; their intention is the same and much of the strategy is similar: gain trust and then pounce, often after turning the child from the parents or at the very least causing some confusion and divided loyalty. Cults work much the same way, as do terrorist organizations when recruiting.
Nothing beats talking to and listening to your child when it comes to really knowing what’s going on in their lives and their heads. Not only is education about how pedophiles work and what to watch out for important, but also just listening and being interested in their daily lives will help you know if/when something is off. A new friendship, whether online or off, will reveal itself as far too intense or will cause your child’s behaviour to change for the worse if something is amiss (as they distance themselves from your disapproval). Hopefully you can cultivate a relationship with your kids such that they trust your judgement as they learn to have their own.
Shauna Arthurs writes about a diverse range of topics for her websites and those of her clients, from hurricane lamps to patio dining sets to exercise ball chairs.
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